So, I didn’t blog last night again…this time it was more because of guilt and not knowing what to say than forgetting or being too tired. I went off the diet yesterday. I don’t have a great reason either. I did lose weight. I lost another 2 pounds in fact…
I started off the day almost regretting that I had lost weight. I was tired of being on the diet. I had basically made up my mind that I was going off, but when I saw that I had lost weight, I reluctantly stayed on it. I did good for the morning. I ate a Whole30 compliant lunch, but I was still hungry. I was SO hungry. And not for anything that I could have. I guess the cravings just got the best of me. I wasn’t craving anything specific, but when I would think of all the foods that I couldn’t have, they ALL sounded good to me and I was STARVING for them. Then, when I thought of all the foods that were in my fridge to eat and were on my diet, I got nauseous. I know it’s a mental thing and I guess I just wasn’t mentally strong.
The rationale that I gave myself was this –
(1) Brent and I were talking just the other day about how we cannot stay on this diet past the 30 days because it’s just too expensive. So I knew that the diet was a short term project anyway.
(2) This diet was supposed to help me with my body aches and pains – it didn’t at all. I am still in just as much pain as I ever was.
(3) This diet was supposed to help me with “the way I feel about food”, my “emotional connection with food”, etc…it didn’t. As you should know from reading this blog, this has been more and more difficult for me the longer I have been doing it. Everyone says it’s really hard in the beginning, but then it gets easier, well it’s the opposite for me. I had no problem the first week, the second week I had a few cravings, but holding strong, but into the third week, it was getting harder and harder until yesterday when I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I actually was getting tearful at Disney (Disney of all places – the happiest place on earth supposedly!) because I couldn’t eat the things I wanted to eat. And when Brent and I both decided yesterday to go off of the diet, I cannot tell you how my mood changed. I had been very emotional and irritable (which I have been blaming on PMS) but before I actually ate anything, just saying I could eat whatever I wanted, I felt stress leave me and I immediately felt happier. So, obviously, I still have a STRONG emotional connection with food.
(4) I was sick of worrying literally about EVERYTHING that went into my mouth. If I was feeding Lilli yogurt and got a little on my finger, i couldn’t lick my finger, I had to wipe my finger off. I almost did lick it a few times absentmindedly, and panic set in when I realized what I was doing and I rushed over to wipe my hands off. Then, the other day, I put on some chapstick which when I licked my lips, it tasted sweet and I felt SO guilty thinking “I’m not supposed to have ANYTHING sweet – real or artificial – I think I broke the diet!” and I stressed out about that.
So basically, yesterday in my mind, when I decided to go off the diet, it was just a freedom. There was no down side. I was SO sick of being on this diet. Sure, I was happy that I lost weight, but I have decided to use this diet as a catalyst toward more weight loss. I will keep a few things I learned from this diet. First and foremost, I think I drank most of my calories before…between the sodas and the coffees, I can’t even imagine how many calories I consumed every day. So, for me, no more – only water or unsweetened iced tea for me. I also am going to limit my portion sizes and definitely limit my sugar intake.
Yesterday when I went off the diet, I went off good…I am completely ashamed to tell you that from the time I got off the diet at 3pm, until I stopped eating at 8pm, I consumed a publix deli sandwich, 2 pieces of pizza, 1 breadstick, 1 boneless buffalo wing, 1/2 a piece of cake and a scoop of ice cream. It is true that before I was on the diet I would have eaten a LOT more – probably twice what I ate, but still, I felt sick and disgusted with myself. It was a good catalyst to make me want to eat better.
One thing I learned from what I ate though is I don’t think I’m gluten intolerant like I thought I was. I had eaten the sandwich, pizza and breadsticks with NO problems or symptoms. Then, a couple hours later, I ate the cake and ice cream and I got really sick. That is why I want to limit my sugar intake. I think my body can’t handle too much sugar at one time.
So I made it 20 days with no cheats or slip ups. It’s obviously not as long as I hoped, but I think it’s longer than some people thought I would last. In the end, I had lost 15 pounds from this diet. Not too shabby. My sister’s wedding is coming up soon so i can’t go hog wild. I have to watch what I eat. But, for those of you who actually read this blog, this will be my last post. This blog was about my Whole30 journey and it’s over. Sorry to disappoint. Sorry I couldn’t inspire anyone, I couldn’t even inspire myself.