Day 21

So, I didn’t blog last night again…this time it was more because of guilt and not knowing what to say than forgetting or being too tired.  I went off the diet yesterday.  I don’t have a great reason either.  I did lose weight.  I lost another 2 pounds in fact…

I started off the day almost regretting that I had lost weight.  I was tired of being on the diet.  I had basically made up my mind that I was going off, but when I saw that I had lost weight, I reluctantly stayed on it.  I did good for the morning.  I ate a Whole30 compliant lunch, but I was still hungry.  I was SO hungry. And not for anything that I could have.  I guess the cravings just got the best of me.  I wasn’t craving anything specific, but when I would think of all the foods that I couldn’t have, they ALL sounded good to me and I was STARVING for them.  Then, when I thought of all the foods that were in my fridge to eat and were on my diet, I got nauseous.  I know it’s a mental thing and I guess I just wasn’t mentally strong. 

The rationale that I gave myself was this –

(1) Brent and I were talking just the other day about how we cannot stay on this diet past the 30 days because it’s just too expensive.  So I knew that the diet was a short term project anyway.

(2) This diet was supposed to help me with my body aches and pains – it didn’t at all.  I am still in just as much pain as I ever was.

(3) This diet was supposed to help me with “the way I feel about food”, my “emotional connection with food”, etc…it didn’t.  As you should know from reading this blog, this has been more and more difficult for me the longer I have been doing it.  Everyone says it’s really hard in the beginning, but then it gets easier, well it’s the opposite for me.  I had no problem the first week, the second week I had a few cravings, but holding strong, but into the third week, it was getting harder and harder until yesterday when I just couldn’t handle it anymore.  I actually was getting tearful at Disney (Disney of all places – the happiest place on earth supposedly!) because I couldn’t eat the things I wanted to eat. And when Brent and I both decided yesterday to go off of the diet, I cannot tell you how my mood changed.  I had been very emotional and irritable (which I have been blaming on PMS) but before I actually ate anything, just saying I could eat whatever I wanted, I felt stress leave me and I immediately felt happier.  So, obviously, I still have a STRONG emotional connection with food. 

(4) I was sick of worrying literally about EVERYTHING that went into my mouth.  If I was feeding Lilli yogurt and got a little on my finger, i couldn’t lick my finger, I had to wipe my finger off.  I almost did lick it a few times absentmindedly, and panic set in when I realized what I was doing and I rushed over to wipe my hands off.  Then, the other day, I put on some chapstick which when I licked my lips, it tasted sweet and I felt SO guilty thinking “I’m not supposed to have ANYTHING sweet – real or artificial – I think I broke the diet!” and I stressed out about that. 

So basically, yesterday in my mind, when I decided to go off the diet, it was just a freedom.  There was no down side.  I was SO sick of being on this diet.  Sure, I was happy that I lost weight, but I have decided to use this diet as a catalyst toward more weight loss.  I will keep a few things I learned from this diet.  First and foremost, I think I drank most of my calories before…between the sodas and the coffees, I can’t even imagine how many calories I consumed every day.  So, for me, no more  – only water or unsweetened iced tea for me.  I also am going to limit my portion sizes and definitely limit my sugar intake. 

Yesterday when I went off the diet, I went off good…I am completely ashamed to tell you that from the time I got off the diet at 3pm, until I stopped eating at 8pm, I consumed a publix deli sandwich, 2 pieces of pizza, 1 breadstick, 1 boneless buffalo wing, 1/2 a piece of cake and a scoop of ice cream. It is true that before I was on the diet I would have eaten a LOT more – probably twice what I ate, but still, I felt sick and disgusted with myself.  It was a good catalyst to make me want to eat better. 

One thing I learned from what I ate though is I don’t think I’m gluten intolerant like I thought I was.  I had eaten the sandwich, pizza and breadsticks with NO problems or symptoms.  Then, a couple hours later, I ate the cake and ice cream and I got really sick.  That is why I want to limit my sugar intake.  I think my body can’t handle too much sugar at one time. 

So I made it 20 days with no cheats or slip ups.  It’s obviously not as long as I hoped, but I think it’s longer than some people thought I would last.  In the end, I had lost 15 pounds from this diet.  Not too shabby.  My sister’s wedding is coming up soon so i can’t go hog wild.  I have to watch what I eat.  But, for those of you who actually read this blog, this will be my last post.  This blog was about my Whole30 journey and it’s over.  Sorry to disappoint.  Sorry I couldn’t inspire anyone, I couldn’t even inspire myself. 

Days 19 & 20

Sorry I forgot to blog last night. I was really busy all day and at the end of the day I was getting ready for today which was Lillis first day at Disney World.  But to recap yesterday..

I was a bit worried.  When Lilli woke up, she had a fever of 102.6.  I gave her Tylenol and rechecked her an hour later and she was up to 103.  I called the Dr. and made an appointment, but in the meantime I put her in a lukewarm bath.  By the time I got her out of that, her temp was down to 101.  She wasn’t really acting too sick, just clingy and cuddly.  But all of my attention of course was placed on her and not necessarily my diet.  I did eat a hamburger with bacon (finishing both of them up) on a lettuce leaf with pickles, sugar free ketchup and mustard.  It was good, but I had to scarf it down so I wouldn’t be late for Lilli’s appointment.

I ate a banana when I got home, and then put Lilli down for a nap and I joined her🙂.  As soon as she woke up, she was doing a lot better and I had some errands to do, so my sister and I went out for the rest of the day.  No real lunch for me.  But before I left, I started the crockpot for my barbacoa beef.

By the time I got home around 5:00, I was starving.  I finished off my tomato soup while I waited for my dinner to be finished.  It finally was finished at around 8:30 and we ate…It was really good and spicy.  I again, did miss rice, and beans, and cheese and sour cream – all the things you get at chipotle grill where the barbacoa beef is my favorite thing.

Since Lilli seemed to be doing much better the second half of the day, we decided we would go to Disney if was still doing ok when she woke up.  Which….she was🙂

So today…I almost went off my diet.  I know I’m PMSing really bad.  I was craving things HORRIBLY, I was irritable, and I was just SO hungry!  Even right after I ate, I was still hungry.  Plus when I woke up, I weighed myself (which is a daily routine now), and I weighed the SAME exact as I have for the past 3 days!  I’m SO irritated.  I’ve been doing SO good.  SO strict!  I have NOT been eating very much in general, and definitely not anything bad or off the diet.  I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sick of it…

But back to my food diary…I knew we had a long day ahead of us, so I ate 4 eggs (yes that’s right, 4!) with some salsa.  I really like eggs that way.  They were yummy and filling.  For lunch, we packed salads with barbacoa beef on top. They were pretty good, but again (like last night) I wanted all the other fixings.  I also ate a nectarine.  That was around 2:30. So, I did REALLY good up to that point – no cravings, not extremely hungry, etc. 

Then, around 5:30 (only 3 hours later) I was STARVING and ready to go off the diet.  Seriously.  I still do not know how I stayed on it.  We ended up going to a restaurant and paying $10 for a burger which I asked for no cheese, took off the bacon and the bun and ate the patty with lettuce, tomato,  and pickles. It wasn’t bad, but I REALLY wanted everything that came with it…including the french fries.  They did give me some apple slices which I ate and they were…ok.  When I was standing in line, I saw that they had iced mochas.  Seriously, that was almost my breaking point.  I was so hungry and tired, I KNEW that an iced mocha would hit the spot exactly.  But Brent was my champion and helped me stay on and stay focused.  (Thank you babe!)

But to all of you who are reading this and who care…if I have not lost weight AGAIN tomorrow after not eating that much and walking a gazillion miles around that park, I AM going off this diet.  I am seeing no real health benefits – I still hurt everywhere, and if it’s not helping me with my weight anymore, then I don’t see a point to staying on it.  I’ll keep you posted as to whether I stay on it or not…

Till then…….

Day 18

Today was possibly the most boring day of my life, therefore this blog will be short…

I slept in until 7:30, did some stuff around the house and started making face and foot scrubs for Dottie’s lingerie shower.  By the time that was done, it was almost noon. I hadn’t eaten anything which I know isn’t good, but I just wasn’t hungry.  I ate my salad that I had made yesterday which wasn’t great by the way.  I think the chicken and the strawberries which were both previously frozen were a bit freezer burned and just not good.  But I ate it anyway and it filled me up so that’s good. 

Then I put Lilli down for a nap and took one myself.  Today has not been a good day as far as pain goes – my back and feet are killing me today and I’m SO tired.  I don’t know what’s wrong.  But anyway…

When I woke up, I knew I needed to do a lot of shopping before my MRI appointment this evening, so no time to eat, I got ready, got Lilli ready and off we went.  By the time I got home, I had a half an hour before I had to leave for my appointment, so I ate a small bowl of pulled pork, a banana and a nectarine.  I know, I know – too much fruit, but since that’s ALL I ate today, I think I’m ok.

I just got home from my appointment and it is now almost 11.  I’m exhausted so I’m just writing this quick blog, getting a drink of water and going to bed.  Hopefully I’ll have something better to write tomorrow.

Day 17

Today I knew I had a long day ahead of me before I even went to bed last night.  I got up at 6am, did dishes and laundry and packed Lilli’s diaper bag.  I knew I was going to be out all day shopping with my sister for a dress for me and Lilli for the wedding (which I found by the way – YAY!) and I wanted to be prepared..  My breakfast wasn’t very great.  I ate that sweet and savory quiche and I think I just did something wrong when I made it.  It has decent flavor, but it’s just so dry.  Whatever, anyway so my day didn’t start great eating-wise, but it got better….

I brought a hard boiled egg, a baggie of almonds for snacks, and a salad with chicken, strawberries and slivered almonds for lunch. To top my salad, I made a strawberry vinaigrette with strawberries, balsamic vinegar and olive oil.  So, that is what I packed for the day…not what I ate though…

The quiche, although dry and not very good, is very filling.  I didn’t get hungry until around 1:00.  I ate my egg when the girls said “we’re hungry too – let’s get something to eat”.  I didn’t want to bring my salad into a restaurant and I knew I was hungry so I asked if they could look for a place with a drive thru instead of going in somewhere, but there was nowhere with a drive thru.  So, we found a chipotle grill.  I remembered reading somewhere that their meat and salsa (not the corn salsa of course) is whole30 compliant so I ended up getting a salad which consisted of romaine lettuce with some barbacoa beef on top and I got a side of hot salsa.  It was good, but a bit spicy for me.  My nose was running haha.  I felt pretty stupid too because my bowl looked so barren – especially compared to the girls with their rice and beans and cheese and sour cream and guacamole (all of which I coveted except the guacamole which ironically I could have had, but I didn’t want). 

Anyway, that salad filled me up until I got home and had dinner.  I was a bit disappointed I didn’t get to have my salad and my vinaigrette, but I’ll have that for lunch tomorrow. 

For dinner I had pork cooking in the slow cooker for my pulled pork with balsamic glazed peaches.  I was worried that the pork would be boring because all I did was put the pork roast in, with a cup of beef broth (the recipe called for chicken broth but we are avoiding chicken to see if it helps with Brent’s migraines) and some chopped garlic.  It was surprisingly good and flavorful and moist.  I loved it!  I did make some homemade BBQ sauce which I had on the side, but I do think that if I would have poured it all over the pork it would have overwhelmed it.  I also liked the peaches, but they were a bit undercooked.  But the balsamic glaze was good.  I felt like that was my dessert.  I think I am getting more sensitive to sugar because all fruit just tastes so sweet to me.  Well, anyway, I think tomorrow I’m gonna have a bunch of leftovers because I want to make more food and I’m running out of room in my fridge. 

Day 16

So, today I woke up and weighed myself (like the rebel that I am).  I was disappointed to find that I gained!  This is two days in a row now.  I gained a half a pound each day so now my total lost is back to 10.  (I can’t remember if I mentioned in a previous post that I had gotten to 11).  Well anyway, yesterday at work I was talking to this girl about the diet and excitedly telling her about my new recipe for banana nut porridge which is so scrumptious!  And all she said was “wow, that sounds like it has a ton of calories in it”.  So, when I gained again today, I started thinking – yeah, that is pretty fattening and I have had it the past 2 days.  As well as a bacon burger for the past 2 days.  I know I’m technically within the scope of the diet, but calories are calories and if I’m limiting my fruit intake because I want to lose weight, why on earth have I been eating like this?!?  Well, the short answer is because it tastes good and that’s what I do…that’s how I got 90 pounds overweight. 

So, today, I had an italian baked egg.  it is good and small and portion controlled.  But I guess all the protein makes it pretty filling.  I also had for a mid morning snack a sweet and savory quiche.  Not my favorite thing, but it did fill my belly.  I didn’t hate it, it just wasn’t my favorite…

For lunch, I had a bowl of my cream of tomato soup…I think next time I make it I will put a little less coconut milk.  I like the creaminess it gives it, but I can taste coconut and it just doesn’t mix well with tomatoes.  But I do like the soup a lot and on a day like today where it was overcast and I was cold, it really hit the spot.  I also had a salad with a hard boiled egg, some broccoli and a few olives and a simple vinaigrette. I also munched on a few raw carrots. 

For dinner tonight, I am having leftovers of my slow cooker cheater pork stew.  It’s a funny dish.  When I came home yesterday, I knew the crockpot had been going all day and i was just expecting wonderful smells to greet me. But this dish had cabbage and I came home to what smelled like a fart lol.  It didn’t look the greatest either I have to admit.  I was VERY skeptical.  But amazingly, it tasted really good.  Now again tonight, I am going through the same thing.  My eyes and my nose tell me one thing and my brain is trying to argue saying “it tastes good!”.  So, I am going to go now because I have a lot to do tonight and I’m already exhausted.  At 9:30 after working all day, I really want to go to bed, but I know I am going to be gone all day tomorrow and I need to prepare my food. 

Till tomorrow….

Day 14 & 15

Well, this is becoming a habit.  I forgot to blog again last night.  Maybe I should just blog in the mornings… Well, I didn’t get to bed until almost midnight and I got up at 4:30, so with this lack of sleep, I doubt I’ll remember to blog tonight, so I’ll do 2 days in one…

Saturday I found a recipe for banana nut porridge.  I have been looking for SOMETHING different to do for breakfast and even though I was skeptical, I decided to try it.  So when I went shopping, I got the ingredients for it. I soaked my nuts overnight Saturday to Sunday and then yesterday morning made it.  It was quick and easy and SO good!  It tasted like a banana nut muffin, but in hot cereal form. It was creamy and crunchy and sweet and delicious!  I highly encourage you to try it.  I had only a small bowl – maybe 1/4-1/3 of a cup, and I was not hungry until the afternoon.  Which came in handy…

For lunch, we went to a going away lunch for a friend of ours – she’s going to Bolivia today.😦 We went to Longhorn Steakhouse.  Everyone was very accommodating to go there because that is pretty much the only place in town we can eat on this diet.  The wait was about an hour long and then once we FINALLY got seated, the wait to order was long (not sure how long) and to actually get our food was probably 45 minutes.  We got there at around 12:30 and didn’t actually eat until after 2:30.  But it was good.  Maybe a bit too good.  I got a grilled chicken breast with tomato basil salsa and a double helping of green beans.  I told them I wanted my green beans steamed with no butter, and while my friends tasted them and assured me there was no butter, they tasted too good to not have butter.  I think I cheated accidentally. But I did my best and hopefully it won’t screw me up.  Brent and I decided we just won’t eat out again until this diet is over.

When we got home, I took a little nap (Brent and Lilli were napping and I was jealous so I decided to join them). Then it was off to cooking.  I made a homemade BBQ sauce for a pulled pork I’m planning on making Tomorrow, I made a cream of tomato soup which tastes pretty darn good, I made a sweet and savory quiche, which I haven’t tried yet, but looks and smells amazing, and I made Italian baked eggs.  Before I could make the quiche or baked eggs, I needed to make my own sausage.  I believe I already posted the link to the breakfast sausage before, but just in case, there it is.  I also put a pork loin in the oven for Brent to use on his salads for lunches through the week.

For dinner, I was so tired of cooking (and it was so late) that we just had leftover hamburgers.  I know, I know – hamburgers 3 nights in a row! We are crazy!  but when you are as tired as we were, you just don’t care.  By the time the pork roast was done, it was almost midnight.  So, I’m running on just over 4 1/2 hours sleep as I said before…

So today, I had an italian baked egg…I made some slight modifications.  Instead of using ground beef like the recipe called for, I made it with sausage because I had extra and it is breakfast after all.  It is really good, but I do thing ground beef would have tasted better.  Second, I tried to make it ahead.  I made the base of it last night and put it in the fridge. Then this morning, I cranked my oven to 400 and cracked an egg in the ramekin and baked it for 7 minutes…not done…5 more…not done…5 more…not done…5 more…done!  I did keep opening the oven to look at it each time, so I think tomorrow (or whenever I have it again) I will pop it in the oven for 20 minutes and leave it alone while I get ready.

For lunch today I am planning on having a hamburger (yes again – get over it – I like hamburgers lol) and a bowl of cream of tomato soup.  I am hoping to get a mid morning snack where I can have a small bowl of the banana nut porridge.  I also brought raw veggies to snack on if I get hungry later in the day.

For dinner tonight we are having slow cooker cheater pork stew.  I prepped everything and put it in the slow cooker bowl last night.  Brent will start it before he leaves for work and by the time he gets home it should be good to go.  I will let you know tomorrow how it turned out. Well, I’m running late for work so I’d better go.  Hopefully I can stay awake today…

Day 13

Ok, so I forgot AGAIN to blog last night.  I doubt if any of you noticed.  But, in case you did, I’ll ‘fess up.  Well, yesterday was a fairly good day.  I think I’m starting to notice real tangible benefits from this diet. 

I do have more energy.  I was thinking of everything I have been doing and the small amount of sleep I have been getting and I don’t think I could have done it before this diet – even with coffee.  And sure I get some “exhausted” moments, but not as many or as severe as I used to get.  I used to feel like I was tired ALL the time.  But now, I feel fairly good most of the time, it’s just at night (usually when I’m writing this blog) that I am getting tired.  And that’s probably because I’ve been doing SO much!  I never used to cook or clean or shop as much as I am doing and I wasn’t doing as much stuff for my sister as I have been lately.  Unfortunately, because of all this excess energy and desire/willpower to get stuff done, I have definitely overdone it for my back.  I can definitely tell you that this diet has not helped my pain at all.  I guess it’s just not “food” related pain.  My back was killing me today, but I took some medicine and still was able to get a lot done today.  But, it has only been not even 2 weeks, so I’ll revisit that subject when I hit the 30 day mark.

I have also noticed my skin looks a lot healthier.  It’s clearer and softer and smoother than it has been in years.  I think I look younger than I used to. 

I can feel that my blood sugars are more regulated than they used to be.  I’m not diabetic, but I think I used to be hypoglycemic. If I didn’t eat after a while, I would go from not hungry to STARVING within a matter of seconds.  I would be shaky and dizzy and nauseous.  But that hasn’t happened to me once since I started this diet.  And there have been times that I have gone a long time without eating on this diet, and I still feel pretty good. 

I sleep a lot better than I used to.  I used to toss and turn and I felt like I woke up 20 times a night.  Since a day or two into this diet, I noticed that I sleep deeper and feel more rested when I wake up.  Even if I’m only getting 5-6 hours of sleep.  That’s a really nice benefit. 

So, as for what I ate yesterday.  I started off the day with 3 scrambled eggs with salsa.  Yum!  I really like eggs like that.  I really wanted more, but I need to draw the line somewhere. 

For lunch, Brent and I finished off the Mexican Beef.  I have to say I’m sad to see it go.  I’ll have to make that again.  That is one recipe that even if I completely leave this way of eating entirely, I will definitely make that again.  That was one of my favorites.  But I still couldn’t help thinking I wanted cheese and sour cream on it haha. 

I went shopping in the evening and got lots of stuff for some yummy dinners. I’m excited about them….I’ll let you know as I make them what they are.  I didn’t get home from the store until 8, so I needed to make something for dinner that was quick and easy.  Brent had really loved those hamburgers with eggs that we had just the night before and he requested that.  That is weird for him because he usually doesn’t like foods two nights in a row, but they were quick and easy so I was happy to do it.  I didn’t make eggs on mine.  As you may remember, I didn’t really like my hamburger like that.  But when I was at the store, I bought pickles (whole30 approved of course), bacon (ok, I cheated – but I did find one without sugar so it’s not THAT bad – it’s just not organic), tomatoes, and I went to Earth Origins and found sugar free ketchup that is whole30 compliant, so I added that.  My burger was DELICIOUS!  Hit the spot perfectly. 

We are thinking Brent may be allergic to chicken.  On thursday he noticed that he’d had a migraine every single day of this diet, and that morning, his headache abated for some reason.  His head was good that whole day until he ate his lunch (late) at 3pm which was a salad with chicken on it.  Around 3:30, he said he got a bad migraine again.  So, to test this theory out, we are having him stay away from chicken.  So for the next week all our meals will revolve around beef or pork.  He did still have a migraine Friday and yesterday, but he thought that was the chicken still “trying to get out of his system”.  We’ll see…but the reason I bring this up in this blog is in case you were wondering throughout the week why so much beef and pork and no chicken…that’s why. 

Ok well I have to do dishes and laundry and get ready for the meeting now so I’ll blog again tonight and let you know all the goodies I make today..